I'm so Bored that I made a lot of dumb excuses

This post is extremely overdue, but I had to wait at least a few months before mocking myself so thoroughly. You see, in the month in between deciding to amputate my leg and actually doing this:

I managed to use it again! Success!

I came up with a lot of reasons why I should totes keep my leg. The problem is, they were all exceedingly dumb.

"People might think I'm actually a pirate!"

Here, in no specific order, were 5 of my dumbest reasons for wanting to keep my leg:

1. So I could wiggle my toes

You can already tell that this is going to be ridiculous, I'm sure. Ever since I was little, though, I had always been able to move the pinky toe on my right foot independently of my other toes, a feat I had never managed with my left foot.

And somehow that ability was essential to my happiness all of a sudden

2. Because I wanted to straighten my knee

My knee had been stuck bent since I was 12 years old, and I really wanted to straighten it, mostly because I didn't remember what that felt like.

What good is dancing if I can't straighten my knee?

3. I wanted to be able to complain to my surgeon about my skin graft in a couple years.

For anyone who doesn't know, I had a skin graft on my right leg, which conveniently vanished as a result of my amputation. The only problem is that my plastic surgeon had promised me the scar was going to fade within 10 years of my surgery, and it was becoming very evident that this was not true.

And the entire leg disappearing does NOT count as the scar fading

4. I had an irrational fear that piggyback rides would be impossible with one leg

If you don't understand why piggyback rides are an essential part of life, you've obviously never been to camp.

Or hung out with my family

5. I really wanted to know if that spot was a freckle

This is probably the dumbest of all reasons. I had a weird spot on the bottom of my right foot, and I couldn't tell if it was a splinter that had melded with my skin or a really weirdly shaped freckle.

And knowing my proclivity for injuring myself, it was probably a splinter

I meant to ask my surgeon to figure out what it was after he amputated my leg, but I forgot. I'm fairly certain he would have just "forgotten" to check, anyway.

So, there is my list of dumb excuses to keep my leg. As you can see, none of them were enough to dissuade me from amputation. After all, my pros and cons list looked something like this:

Pros	Cons
Better life	loss of lame parlor trick
No crutches	tired of having bent knee
Running	curiosity
SPAIN	won't get to complain
less recovery time	Possibly fewer piggy back rides
fun
cool technology
no more surgery

Oh, by the way, I can wiggle the toes on my left foot, I can bend and straighten my phantom knee a little, I get piggy-back rides all the time, that surgeon probably doesn't remember me, and seriously, it doesn't matter whether that spot was a freckle.

Bored Game Time!

Answer: I really don't know what I was going to say. If you said either Wreck It Ralph or The Hobbit, move forward 1 space. If you've seen The Hobbit, though, don't spoil it!

Question: How many fish has my little brother's cat eaten?