I'm so Bored that I decoded song lyrics

Sometimes, when I'm listening to songs, I try to get inside the mind of the songwriter to understand their motivation for writing the song.

But this method is generally frowned upon...

I know, a lot of people might say, "They just wrote it to get paid," but I like to believe in artistic integrity, that writers still rely on inspiration in this mercenary age, taking money only as a bonus and never writing merely to satisfy an assignment or an approaching deadline. Writing is an art, and ought to be treated as such.

Yeah, I have no idea who this "Katie" person is...

In all seriousness, though, I do like to guess the motivation behind a song, and I think I've figured out a few of them. 

Some Songs and Their Not-So-Obvious Meanings

5. Big Green Tractor by Jason Aldean

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this song, the narrator's "Baby" is all dressed up for a night out, but he's talking about taking her for a ride on his big green tractor. 

Some people may think that he's being romantic. Some of my friends might be trying to find a euphamism in there somewhere. 

Truth is, though, that he just doesn't want to go out with her tonight, probably because she has horrible taste in musicals. 

Yeah, of course I loved Big the first five times we saw it...but my tractor is big, too! 

4. Why Wait by Rascal Flatts 

This song sounds super romantic, singing about not wanting to wait another day, until you realize that he says things like "Forever's a given" and "Your daddy won't mind if we save him a bundle."

So, basically, I take you for granted and I think your dad sees you only as a dollar sign, but I got you a really big diamond, so shut up and marry me already. 

Not exactly how I like to imagine someone proposing...

3. Breathe by Taylor Swift

What this song is supposedly about: Leaving her boyfriend, and being sad as she does so

What this song is actually about: Saying goodbye to one of her lungs when it is stolen by organ traffickers/removed due to a pneumonectomy

"And I can't breathe without you, but I have to"

This song also might be about losing another body part. This is hinted at by the line about "You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand."

There's more I could say, but I'll let you listen to the song and draw your own conclusions. 

Bonus: Enough is Enough by Eli Young Band could very easily be singing to a cane or crutch.

2. Come Cryin' To Me by Lonestar

This song sounds so sweet at first: "Don't even look back. Come cryin' to me." 

In fact, I often look past the song's actual agenda and think, "This is such a beautiful song!"

The key, though, is in these lines:

There's nothing to explain to me

You don't even need a key

All you've gotta do is knock

And I'll unlock the door

The sentiment about not needing a key has literally no bearing whatsoever on the rest of the song. If the purpose was truly to convince her that he would always be there for her, he could have said:

 No matter what you're crying for

I'll never even lock my door

You can just run to me

And I'll be there for you.

Instead, he tells her that he's not giving her a copy of the key, and that she needs to knock to get into his house.

Long story short, I'm convinced that the songwriter and his girlfriend got into a fight concerning the spare key to his place.

Come on, you can't argue with me now. I wrote you a song!

1. Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cindi Lauper

Ok, this one's actually pretty obvious, but in case anyone was confused, the "girls" in this song definitely want something, but "fun" probably isn't the best word for what they want. 

Bow Wow Wow doesn't actually want candy, either...

But I do. Buy me this many Mounds, and I will love you forever!