I'm so Bored that I rewrote fairy tales

Ok, so I'm watching the new show Once Upon a Time with two of my siblings, and my little brother asked "Whose baby did Rumpelstiltskin steal?" So, for a few moments we laughed at the idea of Rumpelstiltskin being inserted into random other fairy tales and nursery rhymes. But then I thought, "Why not?" Of course, Rumpelstiltskin should be in every story - it would make them so much more interesting.

For instance, Cinderella:

Once upon a time, Cinderella wished she could go to a ball.

I mean, seriously, I'm in a fairy tale and I have to clean the house? What kind of lame world is this?

Then, her fairy godmother showed up and let her go to the ball. 

Because true magic is the ability to put wheels on a hollow pumpkin!

While at the ball, she met Prince Charming

I am wearing a crown. Therefore, I am super hot!

And on the way out, she dropped her glass slipper. 

It was a little too fragile to walk on anyway...

The next day, Cinderella was sitting at home, dreaming about Prince Charming.

I'm so depressed I don't even want to play with my mice...Oh yeah, and I shaved my hair.

When suddenly, she heard a knock on the door. She ran to the door and opened it. There, standing in her doorway, with her glass slipper in his hand, was

RUMPELSTILTSKIN! "Give me your baby!"

Cinderella then ran around the town screaming, "He's climbing in your fairy tales, snatching your endings up, trying to change 'em, so you better hide your kids, hide their names, and hide your slippers too, cuz apparently he'll steal anything."

Yeah, that Rumpelstiltskin is mean. After all, everyone knows the story of Humpty Dumpty. 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Ever noticed that the poem doesn't mention an egg anywhere?

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't get Humpty's baby back from Rumpelstiltskin again.

See? Rumpelstiltskin is EVERYWHERE!

"Hey, check out my first-born baby collection!" - Rumpelstiltskin's words to house guests, according to my little brother. 

So that's where little Gertrude went...darn babysitting service.

*Note: Thanks to my little brother for drawing the baby collection!