I'm so Bored that I gave writing lessons to the blogosphere: Lesson 3

If you haven't read lesson 1 and lesson 2, go read them first.

So you've gathered some life experience and you've decided on a basic format - short story, poem, etc. So, how do you actually write?

Well, of course that depends on which format you chose during lesson 2. I'm just going to assume that nobody chose autobiography (mostly because I have no idea how to write one of those).

First, let's cover short stories/novels (which are basically the same thing except different).

Here are 5 easy steps to creating the perfect story:

1. Make your main character.

Describe your main character. What's their name? What's their favorite type of candy? Do they live with their parents? Do they like Nickelback? Are they really just you because you don't know how to create a new character? Write down all the really important details.

Once upon a time, there was a very short person named Bored. Bored was 21 years old and really liked gummi bears and cats.

2. Create a second character. 

This second character can be a person, an animal, or even an object. Make sure that they are not the same as your main character. If you want to sell your story to teenage girls, you should probably make sure that the second character is some sort of monster.

One day, Bored met a two-headed monster named George. George really likes to dance. His age doesn't matter because he's immortal.

3. Describe the happy times.

This is when you set up your world. Maybe your characters fall madly in love with each other. Maybe they just become best friends and eats lots of cookies together (if you'd read my attempts at children's literature, that would make sense). Make your reader fall in love with the characters and their world.

Bored and George had lots of fun together. They liked to kidnap babies to keep in their baby collection. After only one month together, they'd kidnapped all of the babies in town.

4. CRUSH THE HAPPINESS. CRUSH IT. 

Nobody wants to read your story about how your characters are always happy, because readers want to feel superior to characters, and we can't go on power trips about the awesomeness of our own lives if your characters' lives are better. SO RUIN THEIR LIVES!

One day, Bored took one of the babies out of the case and was looking at it, but she dropped it! The baby collection was ruined, and George was furious.

5. Resolve the conflict.

Of course, you can't just leave the reader hanging without knowing how something ends. We want the characters to suffer, but we also want happy endings. That way, we can pretend that our own lives will have some sort of magical happy ending. So now, just resolve the conflict in the way that causes the most happiness for your characters.

Then George ate Bored, and he was like, "Nom, nom, nom."

THE END.

Bored Game Time!

Answer: Everything except autobiography. If you would like to read some of my poetry and short stories, you can download a badly formatted book of them FOR FREE. If you knew the answer, move forward 1 space. If you downloaded my book, move forward 15 spaces, because I love you.

Question: How do you say "to pitch a fit" in Spanish?