I´m so Bored that I went to Spain

Estoy en Palma de Mallorca. I´m in Palma de Mallorca.

And it´s so beautiful.

I will be posting pictures later, but currently, my battery for  my camera is in the United States, plugged into the outlet in my bathroom.

 

Por eso So (sorry, I´m having a hard time shifting back and forth entre languages), there will not be any pictures yet. 

There will however, be a diatribe against airlines workers in the Heathrow  airport.

I flew through London on my way to Spain, and it was atrocious. Every airlines agent I encountered on my long trek across the airport was extremely rude. 

And they also appeared to be extremely racist.

This one guy told a customer she was wasting his time. "You´re wasting our time, my love...What do you want? You want to waste more of our time, my love?"

They were the rudest to the travelers going to and from India, and they kept making fun of them for not knowing English. 

I told a guy they should hire translators and he just looked at me like I was an alien. 

Which I guess, technically, I was.

My favorite, though, was an airlines employee who came and sat next to me for about half an hour before my flight. 

He told me that girls should have long hair, because  that is what boys like. 

Then he asked me what my boyfriend thought of my hair, to which I replied that I don´t have one. 

He immediately replied, "See? Women should have long hair."

And then he gave this whole speech about women trying to be like men and how we cut our hair because we´ve become too lazy and we want to just wash it and be done with it like guys. 

Heathrow Airport: customer service at its finest

After that, though, things got interesting. 

He said that we were friends now, to which I said something like, "Umm...ok."

And then he said, "Maybe I come visit you sometimes."

My brain until I remembered that he doesn´t know where I live.

He then told me that he´s never been friends with a white woman before, that he doesn´t touch them.

Which doesn´t explain why he wouldn´t take his hand off my shoulder the entire time he was talking...

He doesn´t touch them, he said, except for one time, when he had to help a drunk woman across the airport and ella she kissed him. 

And he kissed her back but then told her that he was going to get fired if anybody caught them.

And then she gave him her phone number in Mexico and told him to call and visit her.

But he never has, because he doesn´t drink and so the relationship apparently wouldn´t work.

Because "she was a drunk stranger from the other side of the world" wasn´t a good enough reason...

Luckily, my plane started boarding, so I left the creepy guy and continued my journey to Spain. 

Next time, I´ll tell you about my luggage. 

Bored Game Time!

Answer: The sixth sick sheik´s sixth sheep´s sick. 

Question: What language is spoken in Palma (besides Castillian Spanish/Castellano)

I'm so Bored that I made fun of song lyrics - Pop edition

This post could go on forever, but I will limit myself to 5 songs just like the last post.

1. Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!

 Song: Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

My sister and I were singing this song once, and my mom heard us and said, "Girls, if you don't know the words, hum or something. Don't just sing jibberish."

2. Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em, "Hey, give me everything tonight."

 Song: Give Me Everything by Pitbull (featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer)

Seriously, this is quite possibly the worst relationship advice in all of history. If you actually do this, you will get slapped/punched/arrested, as people will assume that you are either a rapist or a robber (or both).

3. But we kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Song: Tik Tok by Ke$ha

They want all the guys around them to look like Mick Jagger. Have they actually seen Mick Jagger?

 

He may be talented, and for all I know he may be a great guy, but...really?

4. It's like S-O-L-O, S-O-L-O...

 Song: Ridin' Solo by Jason Derulo

There are a lot of Jason Derulo lyrics that deserve ridicule, but at the point in this song where he starts spelling out the word "solo" for us, he's already said "solo" 32 times. 

If I haven't figured out that he's solo yet, I'm not going to understand him spelling it.

5. Jump in my hooptie hooptie hoop; I own that.

Song: Starships by Nicki Minaj

Granted, every single word in this "song" is ridiculous, but this line...maybe I'm just ignorant, but what on Earth is she talking about? And why does this "stanza" end with the words "Twinkle twinkle little star," as if that somehow relates to her hooptie hoop hoop, her rent that she owes, or her promiscuity, which are the subjects of the rest of the "stanza"?

Bored Game Time

Answer: It would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Move forward one space if you've seen a woodchuck try to chuck wood.

Question:  What sentence has the Guinness World Record for the toughest tongue twister (in English)?

I'm so Bored that I made fun of song lyrics - Country edition

Yup, I'm super Bored, and sleep is for people who don't go for two-mile walks and then down a bunch of sugar and caffeine.

So, I have decided to mock some song lyrics, starting with country music, since it is my favorite genre.

Here goes:

1. "I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors."

Song: My Mama's Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert

For anyone everyone who doesn't know this song, she's complaining that her mom doesn't let her express herself when she's upset after a breakup. And I get it, that's a legitimate complaint.

But her chosen form of expression?

Giving herself a bad haircut. 

Because nothing says, "I was so in love with him. My heart will never mend." like chopping off your bangs.

Slow down, girl. You're out of control.

2. "You stole my happy."

Song: Undo It by Carrie Underwood

Yeah, I get it, Carrie. He made you cry. But, seriously, he stole your happy?

You told him, all right. Told him you didn't pass first grade, that is.

3. "And our baby girl says she believes that he is the only one down the road."

Song: Down the Road by Kenny Chesney

Question #1: Why is everyone in this guy's family marrying their neighbors? Is it impossible that they might marry somebody who lives, say, on the other side of town?

Question #2: Why does the above statement make him think his daughter wants to marry the guy? She might have just been remarking that he is the only guy her age on the street.

Moving on.

4. "I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger."

Song: If I Die Young by The Band Perry

I get the symbolism of saying she's green, but why is her ring green? What kind of ring is she wearing? I know green rings exist, but it's such a random mention of it, and as I don't have a picture of it,

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW GREEN IT IS?

5. "My love is ... honest as a Robin on a springtime window sill and longer than the song of a whippoorwill."

Song: Deeper than the Holler by Randy Travis

Forgetting the fact that I don't really know how deep a holler is, but I'm willing to bet I won't be satisfied with love only a little deeper than it, I would like to know:

Do robins actually have a reputation for being honest? I mean, I guess birds can't lie, but what's so special about robins in particular?

and

Why are you comparing the length of your love to the length of the song of a bird? Because, even if the whippoorwill's song is exceptionally long, it still can't be longer than a few minutes. Wow. Your love will last longer than 5 minutes, perhaps?

How inspiring.

Bored Game Time!

Answer:  It's really difficult to choose, but I do love 11 so much. If you got the reference, you may move forward 5 spaces, because I love you. If you chose 11, move forward another 11 spaces, just because.

Question: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I'm so Bored that I learned about life

In the past few months, I have learned a few things about my life as an amputee. Here are some of the things I've learned, in no particular order (como siempre):

1. If you don't want high-fives from strangers, wear long pants

Dear JcPenny's employee, how old are you? 3?

2. Long pants won't protect you from everybody, though, so you might as well wear what you want

"I noticed you walking across the street the other day. You have a prosthetic leg."

3. Walking at the YMCA is not necessarily safer or less creepy than walking around the block

And this picture is not related to this lesson

4. Some people will try to recruit you to their prosthetist like it was a religious denomination. 

"He's an amputee, too, and you would love him." "But, I don't know you...and I don't even live here..."

5. Leggings have a front and a back

And if you cut off the wrong leg, you will feel stupid

6. Sometimes, your family might go way too far overboard trying to find solutions.

"So, I was thinking that I could cut off the bottom of your pant leg and  attach it back with velcro so that you can wear your fuzzy pajama pants with or without your leg." "Ok, I was just going to tie the pant leg..."

7. Don't search "amputee" on Tumblr

Just trust me. It's a weird world.

8. Just because you only wear one sock doesn't mean that they won't disappear

Seriously, where do they all go?

9. Sometimes, kids say the darnedest things

"I wish we could be friends, but you only have one leg."

10. And sometimes it's not an amputee thing. It's just a "Bored" thing. 

I tripped over my phantom foot...

Bored Game Time

 Answer: I believe the answer was 8, but if you knew this, you are a total creeper. Go back to start.

Question: 9, 10, or 11? Which one is your favorite?