I'm so Bored that I got lost in Times Square

For any of you that don't know me (Welcome, strangers!), I write for the news section of my college newspaper. Because of my job at the paper, I got to spend last weekend in New York City.

Technically, I was in the Big Apple for a college media conference, but I managed to find some time for sightseeing during the four days I was there.

So, I won't bore with you with every detail of my four days. I won't draw you silly pictures of me acting like a giddy school girl.

I lied.

Anyway, Tuesday was my last day there. The night before, I had been out in Times Square, but had only been able to go to Forever 21 and Hershey, because that's where my group wanted to go.

So, on Tuesday, I decided to go shopping on 5th Ave. By myself. My hotel was on 7th Ave, so I figured I could just leave my hotel, shop for about an hour, grab some lunch, head back, and go to the last few sessions of the conference.

Of course, being me, I didn't know how to get to 5th Ave, so I turned the wrong way and ended up in Times Square instead.

That's actually what it looks like. Don't judge!

For a while, I just wandered around Times Square and the surrounding streets, getting tired and not finding any clothing stores which I couldn't find in my hometown.

I went in M&M World, but I didn't want to spend all my money on chocolate, so I left. (That place is 3 stories tall!!!)

I sat down on a park bench to get my bearings, and I was instantly approached by a scientologist.

Scientologist: Hi! Want to come to a free film screening?

Me: I'll think about it. Thanks!

Scientologist: Why are you in NYC?

Me: College media conference

Scientologist: Oh, you're in college? You look a lot younger...

So, basically, I look like a crippled child, lost and alone in Times Square, and instead of offering to help me find my parents, you're inviting me inside with you to watch a film screening? Well done, sir, well done.

After chatting with the scientologist, I wandered around on Broadway for a while, becoming increasingly jealous of everyone with tickets to Wicked (which I saw in London, which is actually cooler, just btw), and I finally decided to ask for directions.

Me: Hi, NYC cops. Can you tell me how to get to 5th Ave from here?

Cops: Oh, sweetheart, it's a long walk from here.

Me: Ok,  which direction?

Pet Peeve #5001: People refusing to tell me how to do something because they think I can't do it.

Actually, though, the cops were sweet, and they gave me directions to 5th Ave.

So, I walked to 5th Ave to go shopping.

On the way, I was stopped by someone working for Green Peace, who was extremely disappointed when I refused to fill out a form with all my personal information. (Dear Sir, you are a stranger on a street corner in a city I was visiting for the first time. Do the math yourself.)

On 5th Ave, I went inside some little store whose name I don't remember. I walked up to a shirt hanging on a rack, looked at the price tag, then walked back out of the store before I got thrown out for being riff-raff.

Then, I went into Lord & Taylor. From the outside, I thought it was a jewelry store. Then, I walked through a makeup department and out another door back onto 5th Ave. Silly me had not realized there was more to the store.

When I left the store, I saw the clothes in the window display and realized there must be more floors inside the store. So, I walked back in the door the poor doorman had just held open for me to leave and asked the bewildered man where the elevator was.

"In the back," he said.

I walked to the back of the store and found the elevator. This store had 10 floors! I know, for any of you that live in humongous cities, you may think this is normal, but it is most definitely not.

Anyway, I picked a floor and had fun browsing and trying on clothes. I finally had my dream New York City moment, running through a store, pulling things off the racks (and usually, placing them back carefully on the racks as soon as I saw the price tags).

Unfortunately, by the time all this had happened, I had missed most of the sessions I wanted to attend for that morning. I did make it back for the closing keynote, though, and I highly recommend that everyone check out David Carr.

After an hour-long delay, complete with mysterious alarms, in LaGuardia Airport, we flew back home.

I know I told you I wouldn't give you all the little details of my trip, but a few things are worth mentioning:

1. EVERYTHING IS EXPENSIVE IN THAT AREA OF NEW YORK! (Our hotel didn't even have free Wi-fi, and I was Sad, because I couldn't update this blog (or check Facebook).

2. I got to hang out with Almost My Big Sis. We went to Statton Island on the ferry, so I finally got to see the Statue of Liberty. We ate at Bubba Gumps on Sunday, and our waiter was one of my friend's doppelgangers.  That is an awesome restaurant.

3. After hearing the opening keynote from writers at the Daily Show, I really don't want to write real news anymore...

That's pretty much it, I guess. I'm sorry I've slacked off with the pictures. I guess I'm just too Bored to draw well.

I'm so Bored that I got a haircut

I had never realized before how high maintenance pixie  cuts were. I mean, sure, you don't have to brush your hair ever really, but you have to get it cut about once a month or you don't have a true pixie cut anymore.

Too corny? Ok, moving on...

So, this past week, Wifey and I decided to go get our hair cut.

"I can't decide what to do with my hair. Does 2 inches count as a haircut?"

We waited until Wednesday, the day we wanted to get haircuts, to actually book an appointment.

This was a bad idea.

After many unsuccessful attempts to call hair salons, we finally got appointments at a beauty school about 10 minutes from campus. The appointments were for 3 o'clock. We made the appointments at 2:35...

"OF COURSE WE CAN BE THERE IN 25 MINUTES!" 

Of course, our plans to take the bus there would no longer work. So, we called a taxi.

The taxi driver tried his best to kill us on the way there by swerving into oncoming traffic, so we've definitely learned our lesson about asking Mafia members for a ride. I would draw you a picture of our epic near-death, but stick figures just aren't going to be enough.

We paid $15 for a taxi to take us to get $5 haircuts...

And the place where we got the haircuts was a beauty school in a parking lot right next to a Goodwill and a Chinese takeout restaurant - fun times.

After our haircuts (which actually were pretty good - I totally recommend that place!), we decided to take the bus back to campus.

Yankees can figure this out. WE CAN, TOO!

We spent about 15 minutes waiting at the wrong bus stop, and I would just like to point out that they ALL LOOK ALIKE!


I called Peter Pan, and for some reason, he seemed surprised to hear that I was at a bus stop outside of Goodwill. I have no idea why.

After a long conversation with Pan and a short conversation with the wrong bus's driver, Wifey and I decided to cross the street to get to the right bus stop.

"Can you take us home, please?"

But the crosswalk was soooo far away.

I was going to try to illustrate this next part, but after seeing my bus, I'm sure you don't want that ... So, here goes my explanation.

I said, "Hey, let's just jaywalk!"

So, Wifey and I stepped closer to the curb, went to put our feet into the street...

And then an 18-wheeler BLEW BY OUR FACES AND NEARLY KILLED US!!!

Wifey said, "Still want to jay-walk?"

So, as you can guess, we walked to the crosswalk, waited at another bus stop for a while, and got on a bus.

I have no idea whether that bus was the right one, but we freaked out, thinking that we were going the wrong way.

Wifey - "OMG, are we going the right way?"

Me - "I don't know! How do we read the map?"

Nice Guy behind us on the bus - "Oh, you're trying to get back to campus? I can give you directions..."

Us - "No thanks, we're going to get off at this random stop right now."

So, we left Nice Guy behind and got off the bus at a hospital a few blocks from campus.

Then, we debated trying to catch another bus. Some more people even tried to help us, but we were too confused.  So, we walked back to campus.

Wifey tried to carry me, but that failed.  There shall be no pictures of the event.

We eventually reached the edges of campus, at which point Wifey left and Peter Pan arrived and walked me the rest of the way to campus.  He then carried me to the campus bus stop (much less confusing and no maps required) and sent me off to High Land, where I live.

When I arrived back at High Land, I was tired, out of breath, and extremely hungry. I walked across the quad to Fisheater's room, where I had left Herbie, my beloved scooter.

Herbie was not there.

"Where is Herbie?" I asked.

"Maybe he went home," Fisheater replied with an evil grin, "Did you check there?"

Just then, I got a text from Wifey.

Apparently, Fisheater and Shirtless Guy had carried Herbie upstairs in their house to Wifey's room.

"Help me, Katie!"

Fisheater and Shirtless Guy refused to carry Herbie downstairs and instead left the house.

Long story short, Moustache Man came over and, with help from Movie Guy, rescued Herbie from Wifey's room.

This is only one of the many crazy stories which I have from the last couple months. I will try to post some more soon, if the evil Orgo monster lets me.