So, I'm guessing you have seen The Awkward Situation Survival Guide on Hyperbole and a Half. If you haven't, go
read it now!
Back? Ok, well as much as I love that blog, I have to admit that I crave awkward situations to alleviate the tediousness of Boredom. I mean, when have you ever been in the middle of a situation where everyone is staring and your cheeks are red and thought, "Wow, I'm really Bored right now!"? NEVER! So, to help you out of Boredom (don't tell the king I told you this secret to get across the border), I now give you the Awkward Situation Creation Guide - after all, someone has to make awkward situations, right?
Step 1. Say HELLO to EVERYONE! I'm serious. Absolutely everyone you meet gets a hello, not a "hi" or a "hey," but an actual "hello." Draw it out as long as possible. This is especially important to do with strangers, for maximum awkwardness.
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| For some reason, they never wave back when I do this... |
Step 2. So, you've tried just saying hello, but people don't seem to hear you. They must be thinking very hard about something else...Anyway, if you want to create awkwardness (and escape Boredom...I mean...Long Live the King!) then you're going to need a more direct approach. Maybe initiating a conversation all by yourself doesn't work. So, you need to find an existing conversation to insert yourself into. The conversation's already going, so people are already commited to the situation. All you do is make the situation awkward.
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| Alien robot costumes always add to the awkwardness of the situation |
Step 3. Now, you've found a group of people to attack with your awkwardness, but they just don't seem that impressed by your mad skillz at embarassing yourself. They might say something like, "Oh, your name
is amazing. Here, sit down with us and drink coffee." You might feel like you've failed. They don't seem awkwarded out at all. Fear not! You just need something with more...pizzazz! You have two options:
Option A is the easiest, and can be used well if you know the people in the group. Bring up something embarassing about them.
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| This option is especially awkward if the guy isn't actually Bob |
Option B. Of course, you don't know everyone, so sometimes, you're just going to have to say something embarassing about yourself. (Hint: It doesn't have to be true.)
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| In fact, it probably shouldn't be true... |
Step 4. Now, the situation is super awkward. All there is left to do is to NOT LEAVE! You leave, and the awkwardness quickly dissipates, allowing you to go back to Boredom and for everyone else to forget about the incident. For maximum awkwardness, stay there. Keep talking, with everyone staring at you awkwardly.
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| "Please, Bored! We want to hear the song!" you scream, but I am deaf to your pleas |
So, stay there, talking. Bask in your glory. You have escaped Boredom, and you have officially changed your name to Awkward.
Note: Thank you very much to my lovaaah, who inspired this post.
